Testing

Meet the Fosters-The beginning.

2010-08-04T18:20:00.003-08:00

A couple months back I signed up to foster dogs. I volunteer at the Anchorage Animal Care and Control Center where I interact with so many adorable dogs, some of whom have medical conditions that need a little extra attention. I figured I have enough room in my house and enough love in my heart to take care of a dog who needs me for a couple months, so I bit the bullet and signed up to be a foster parent. I got my first call to foster a dog around June 21, 2010. Megan, AACCC's volunteer coordinator, called me and said something along the lines of, "We don't usually ask this of first time fosters, but what would you think of fostering a momma dog and her five puppies?" I was a little shocked! My condo association only allows two dogs per condo, and I had only ever intended on fostering one dog at a time, which would already mean three dogs in my condo. I justified three by telling myself that it would be for a good cause and for a short period of time... but this would mean eight dogs total! Megan knew I had an out-of-town event that weekend, so I had a little time to think about it. I went back and forth for a day or two, but ultimately decided I had to do it.

I went to the shelter a few days before I was supposed to pick up my foster family. I wanted to meet momma and let her get familiar with me before I brought her and her puppies home. Megan brought momma, who was introduced to me as Heidi, and one of the pups out to meet me. Heidi was brought in as a stray with five puppies. Someone from Fort Rich claimed he found Heidi and her pups and brought them into the shelter. I wish I knew more, but I am still very unclear about the details. Sadly, one of the puppies had already died since being brought to the shelter. As Megan handed me the puppy she brought out to meet me with Heidi, and as I was falling in puppy love at first sight, the shelter's vet tech, who was walking behind me, immediately grabbed the pup and said she would be right back. Apparently, there was a globby white discharge coming from the puppy's nose, and the tech wanted to take her to the shelter's vet for a quick check up. I continued to interact with Heidi, petting her, talking to her, and assuring her the puppy would be back. The puppy never came back. Instead the vet tech came back and said the shelter's vet wanted to talk to me personally. The vet informed me that the puppy had an infection and had to be euthanized. She explained that puppy's immune systems are super delicate and that it's very difficult to bring them back to health without the risk of infecting momma and the other puppies. She told me that they would monitor the other puppies over the weekend and that I might not have to foster the family, after all, if it ended up that the other puppies were also sick. If I did get to take the puppies home, she wanted to make sure I understood how important it is to bring a foster animal back to the shelter if I notice him/her getting sick. She explained that a lot of foster parents get really attached to their foster pets and have a hard time bringing them in knowing that the result may be euthanization. Although I was sad, and a little shocked at what had just happened, I told her I understood and that I would respond to any situation I encountered appropriately.

I went back to the shelter three days later, and all three of the remaining puppies were doing just fine. The vet packed the trio into a tiny carrying crate, and I loaded Heidi and her pups into my car. I hadn't had time to clean out my garage or make the living situation more comfortable for the fosters, so I found a hug box that once housed my 40-ish inch television, I filled the box with blankets, and that was the puppies' first bed. At this point I hadn't even seen the puppies yet, so I took them out of the crate to meet them and put them in their new bed. I picked them up, one by one, to see their sex. Puppy #1: boy. Puppy #2: boy. Puppy #3: BOY?!?!? As much as I wanted to play with and get to know these sweet, adorable little boys, I knew that my first task was to introduce Heidi to my two dogs, so I left the puppies all snuggled up in their new bed and got myself prepared.

Before I let Heidi come into the house, I decided I needed to walk her with my dogs. It's recommended that you introduce dogs on neutral ground so there isn't any reason for either dog to be territorial. Jon and Jamie Lang came over to help me handle the dogs since I now had three big dogs to deal with. They also brought their two little dogs, Pennie Lane, who had just had puppies herself, and Mimi. I don't remember exactly how things went when I first brought Titan and Nova out of the house, but I think Jon was handling Heidi, and I don't remember the initial meeting going too badly. As we started walking out of the neighborhood, though, Heidi did make aggressive advances at Pennie Lane and Mimi. Those dogs are usually the instigators, but in this case I think Heidi was stressed out and confused and on edge and she took it out on the poor little dogs. As our walk continued, I had Jon trade leashes with me so I could have various combinations of my three dogs walking together. Halfway through the walk, things were going so well that I decided I would take all three leashes and walk all the dogs together to really establish my new pack. Heidi and Nova hadn't had a good chance to really sniff each other and feel one another out, and their faces touched the wrong way, or they made eye contact out of the corner of their eyes, and that's when Heidi and Nova's first fight broke out. Jon and I were able to pull them apart, so no harm was done, but it was a little scary to think my dogs may not get along with the new addition. When I got back to the house Heidi immediately ran to the garage door, knowing her puppies were just on the other side. It was probably the longest she'd been away from them, which made her a little nervous, I'm sure. I decided that was enough of trying to establish our pack for one day, so Heidi just hung out in the garage with her babies for the rest of the night. I did the same thing.

And now it was time to name the boys!

Max... my little chubster

Even though I knew they would be adopted in four to five weeks, and the owners would want to name the pups themselves, I had to call them something while they lived with me. Momma is some sort of German Shepherd mix, so the shelter named her Heidi (which was intended to be a German sounding name). As we were walking I told Jamie and Jon I wanted to give the boys German/European names just like their mom. The Langs threw out a few ideas, Max being one of them. I love the name Max, and I knew that's what I would name at least one of the puppies, I just didn't know who it would fit best yet. When I got home I decided to put all the puppies on the garage floor to let them do their thing. The black one climbed up on me and just snuggled in my lap. I almost named him Max...he kind of looked like a Max...and I was this close to making the decision, until I looked over and saw this cute, chubby little guy staring at me--I knew instantly that he was Max.

Leif... my little explorer

Next I looked around to see what the other brown dog was up to. The pups were only three weeks old when I got them and they had just opened their eyes two days before I picked them up. Every move they made was really slow and deliberate and clumsy... it was like watching a drunk person trying to function, except a lot cuter and funnier.... and yet here was this puppy walking around sniffing out everything in the garage. His eyes were barely working, and he bumped into something with every clumsy little step, but there he was, the first one to explore the whole garage. Being the little explorer that he was, I decided to name him Leif.

Otto... my little snuggle bug

So that left the black one, sitting in my lap all snuggly and cuddly looking like a little bear cub. I thought about naming him Bernard or Barrett, which are variations of the word "bear" in German, but nothing stuck. At this point my friend Lindsey had come over and she and I were going back and forth on the merits of the different names I'd been considering. Finally I decided to let Twitter help me out. I took a poll asking what I should name the little black dog. A few funny and cute names were thrown out, but for some reason, when someone said "Otto," I couldn't stop thinking about it and that became his name!

So by the end of day one, my little foster family was created: Heidi, Max, Leif, and Otto.

Heidi and the puppies refueling after the big move.

What do you do when Twitter is down?

2010-06-09T09:29:00.001-08:00

First I panic and think my phone is broken, so I move to my computer. Then I panic and think my computer is broken, so I get online to see if the internets still work. When I find that the internets work and realize my phone and computer are both OK, I realize Twitter is down and I die a little inside.

Ask me anything

Where would you go on vacation if you could pick anywhere?

2010-06-07T23:25:00.001-08:00

If I could pick anywhere, I would pick everywhere. If I have to narrow it down, my top choices would be Ireland, England, Greece, Italy, France, Japan, Thailand, Australia, New Zealand... and I'm gonna live in Morocco for one year. Do you wanna come?

Ask me anything

Why are you still single?

2010-06-02T17:53:00.001-08:00

If I knew why I am still single, I probably wouldn't be. I guess I haven't found the right guy, or he hasn't found me.

I don't get hit on or asked out very often, so I'm sure that contributes to my being single.

Also, I usually don't put myself out there unless I already have pretty strong feelings about my connection to a person.

I thank God I didn't end up with any of the guys I dated in my past. There are one or two I can still see myself being attracted to today, but I am such a different person now and I can see why those relationships didn't work, or why I shouldn't have held on to some of them for so long.

Ultimately, I'd like to think I'm still single because I'm still waiting.

Ask me anything

Love List

2009-08-24T01:22:00.002-08:00

Back when I was feeling much less positive about whether I would ever find the man of my dreams, or even a man I could just settle for right now, two friends of mine told me about this thing called the "love list." They said to write down 100 things you want in "the man of your dreams" or a future partner. If you write it down and put it out into the universe, so to speak, it's more likely to happen. Furthermore, by writing down these 100 things, you are accountable to yourself and responsible for making sure you get what you want. "Even if one of the things is that you want a man who wears gray socks every day, write it down." I wrote my own love list a year or two ago, and, well, I've been thinking a lot lately about the man of my dreams and what I want and who I want and how I think I am finally ready for it. My love list has been hiding in a file folder in my computer, out of sight and out of mind. I'm afraid that's one of my greatest faults, that I hide my desires and my feelings about the things I really want in a file folder inside me, out of sight and out of mind. Well, I decided to open that file tonight. Reading the list again, there are a couple of things I might change and few points I'd be willing to negotiate, but this is ultimately what I want and I figure the best thing I can do to get what I want is to put it into the universe.

1. I want a man who loves me for me.
2. I want a man who is kind
3. I want a man who is affectionate
4. I want a man who is funny
5. I want a man who thinks I am funny
6. I want a man who is loyal
7. I want a man who is honest
8. I want a man who loves dogs
9. I want a man who loves other animals too
10. I want a man who loves to play tennis
11. I want a man who wants to meet my friends
12. I want a man who is happy to spend time with my friends
13. I want a man who wants to impress my friends because he wants to impress me
14. I want a man who loves children
15. I want a man who wants to have children
16. I want a man who wants to get married
17. I want a man who has never been married before me
18. I want a man who has never had children before me
19. I want a man who has a good job
20. I want a man who enjoys what he does for a living
21. I want a man who doesn’t bring work home with him
22. I want a man who leaves past relationships in the past
23. I want a man who will dance with me at parties
24. I want a man who will hold my hand whether we’re walking to our cars or walking in a mall
25. I want a man who loves to kiss
26. I want a man who loves to cuddle
27. I want a man who is excited about pleasing me in the bedroom
28. I want a man who doesn’t mind watching my favorite tv shows
29. I want a man who loves going to movies with me
30. I want a man who loves going to the opera with me
31. I want a man who loves going to the symphony with me
32. I want a man who loves going to hockey games with me
33. I want a man who wants to walk my dog with me everyday
34. I want a man who wants to work out with me
35. I want a man who will encourage me to be healthy by being healthy with me
36. I want a man who will encourage me to exercise by exercising with me
37. I want a man who wants to be my partner
38. I want a man who wants to be my best friend
39. I want a man who will be my shoulder to cry on, when I need it
40. I want a man who will make me laugh
41. I want a man who will make me happy
42. I want a man who is happy to be with me
43. I want a man who is faithful
44. I want a man with a good sense of humor
45. I want a man who compliments me
46. I want a man who tells me how beautiful he thinks I am, inside and out
47. I want a man who tells me how happy he is to be with me
48. I want a man who enjoys the outdoors
49. I want a man who will join a volleyball team with me
50. I want a man who shows an interest in my interests
51. I want a man who will communicate with me
52. I want a man who will share his interests with me
53. I want a man with good friends who will become my good friends
54. I want a man who treats his mother like a queen
55. I want a man who has a good relationship with his father
56. I want a man who is kind to and still close to his siblings
57. I want a man who wants to make me a part of his circle of friends
58. I want a man who wants to be a part of my circle of friends
59. I want a man who wants me to be a part of his family
60. I want a man who wants to be a part of my family
61. I want a man who believes in Christianity
62. I want a man who is willing to change religions for me when we get married
63. I want a man who thinks the names I’ve always dreamed of for my kids are perfect
64. I want a man who takes care of himself by eating right and exercising
65. I want a man who is attractive
66. I want a man who is attracted to me
67. I want a man who is good looking, but isn’t too preoccupied with his looks
68. I want a man who thinks I’m good looking, but isn’t too preoccupied with my looks
69. I want a man who respects women
70. I want a man who doesn’t have a lot of baggage from past relationships
71. I want a man who loves to read
72. I want a man who is intelligent
73. I want a man who has gone to college or trade school
74. I want a man who is successful
75. I want a man who is confident
76. I want a man who makes enough money that I can stay home with our kids if that’s what I choose
77. I want a man who will support me if I decide to go back to work
78. I want a man who knows how to cook
79. I want a man who likes to travel with me
80. I want a man who believes in love
81. I want a man who believes in me
82. I want a man who I can believe in
83. I want a man who will buy me nice things just because
84. I want a man who will tell me nice things just because
85. I want a man who appreciates the nice things I do for him
86. I want a man who loves to swim in the ocean
87. I want a man who will take me camping
88. I want a man who will go camping with me and my friends
89. I want a man who will go on a long hike with me and my friends
90. I want a man who will go to parties that my friends throw
91. I want a man who will go to trivia nights with me at Humpy’s
92. I want a man who shares my love of karaoke
93. I want a man who will be there for me when I’m upset
94. I want a man who will let me be there for him when he’s upset
95. I want a man who will make me feel good about myself, no matter what
96. I want a man who I make feel good about himself, no matter what
97. I want a man who doesn’t care how much I weigh
98. I want a man who wants to be the love of my life and wants me to be his
99. I want a man who wants to go shopping with me
100. I want a man who will encourage me and support me in finding the job of my dreams

25 Random Things About... ME!

2009-01-22T18:54:00.003-09:00

I am kind of cheating today, but I just did a survey on Facebook that ended up being kind of fun and thought-provoking. These were the guidelines: write a note with 25 random things. Okay, there was a little more to it than that, but it involved "tagging" people who you wanted to share things about yourself with and requesting that they send 25 random things about themselves back. I can't really tag anyone in my blog (or can I? I am really new to this) so I just decided to put those 25 random things in my blog as a way to tell whoever may be reading this a little more about me.

1. I was born in Germany

2. I've lived in Germany, New Mexico, Minnesota, and Alaska

3. The first time I lived in Minnesota I was in kindergarten. The second time I lived in Minnesota I was in college.

4. When I was in kindergarten I once took a pig to school for show & tell.

5. I lived on my grandparent's pig farm for a year (can you guess what year that was?)

6. One of the greatest gifts anyone could ever give me is an iTunes gift card.

7. I hate going to bed at night. Well, hate is a strong word, but that's when I do all my personal stuff like watch TV or clean my house or walk my dog. There's always so much I want to do, not anything that's particularly important, in fact, sometimes it's incredibly lazy stuff, but it's stuff that I want to do for myself. I feel like I spend so much time at work and then sleeping that there's never enough time to do the things I want to do.

8. I just started writing a blog, which is weird because I've always thought blogs were kind of narcissistic. Now I think they're a good way to get your thoughts out, and if someone happens to read them, great. If not, oh well... or maybe I am just narcissistic.

9. I wish I could teach the world when it's appropriate to use the word "its" and the contraction "it's". Once and for all, it's always "its" unless you are using the contraction for the phrase "IT IS"!

10. I love "High School Musical." In fact, at this very moment I have iTunes set on random to play the soundtracks to all three movies.

11. In general, I want to make a career change. I don't think I want to do what I'm doing for the rest of my life... but when I hear about an exciting project someone else is working on, I get jealous and wish I could work on it too, which makes me want to stay in the business.

12. I have a reputation for being a hard worker, but I think I'm kind of lazy and I would actually rather do things the easy way or just not work at all.

13. Even though I complain about work and claim I want a job that I don't have to take home with me every night, I tend to check my work e-mail at home a lot, and end up doing quite a bit of work at home... by choice.

14. I can procrastinate with the best of them, but my preference is to just get things done so I have more time to do other things or relax.

15. I love "America Idol". If they held auditions in Alaska, I would probably try out. I would probably make it on the show as one of the people Simon mocks and turns away, but I think it would be fun to try out.

16. Every time I see a stray dog on the street I try to pick it up or stay with it until Animal Control can come pick it up. I hope that someone would do the same for me if my dog were to get loose.

17. I love the Dog Whisperer... L-O-V-E- LOVE him. I wish everyone could watch that show and understand that it's usually not the dog that's bad, but the way people treat and respond to their dogs that's bad. Even the most loving dog owners unwittingly do things that make their dogs unbalanced, which can lead to bad behavior.

18. I would love to own a doggy day care. I know it would require a lot of long hours and would entail picking up a lot of dog crap, but playing with dogs all day long... what could be better?

19. I love my friends. It makes me sad that people grow apart over time. On my part, I know I'm not always great at keeping in touch, or I isolate myself during certain times in my life, so I don't know how to stay close to people. That's something I would like to work on.

20. One day I want to get married and have kids, but I would rather never get married than end up with the wrong person.

21. If I have a girl and a boy, I want to name them Abigail and Sebastian. Please don't dissuade me from these names, and please don't steal these names when you have kids... unless you live in another state and our kids aren't around each other that often :)

22. I can't just watch a movie like a normal person. I am always thinking about how this scene was probably coordinated or how much that scene took to put together. And sometimes I actually get nervous thinking about it, as if it's something I'm going to have to deal with.

23. I've started doing daily affirmations and meditations through a website called mythoughtcoach.com. I want to be a better person, for myself, and for my friends and for my family. I truly believe in the power of positive thinking, but I know sometimes it's hard to do it on your own because it is really easy to let life get to you sometimes... so it helps me to have someone else's voice coach me through it.

24. I know people think I am overly opinionated and argumentative, but what I don't think people realize is how much time I spend replaying conversations and analyzing concepts. I might say or think something one day, then say or think something totally different another day because I have taken to heart what someone has said to me and changed my mind because of it. I really do learn a lot from other people, and I should admit it more often... but sometimes I don't know that that's what's happened because it can be such a subtle transformation!

25. It was really hard to come up with 25 things, so I am going to cheat on this last entry with a comment about how hard it was to do this.

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Now playing: High School Musical Cast - What Time Is It
via FoxyTunes

Three Second Rule

2009-01-21T12:42:00.011-09:00

As I mentioned in my last post, I recently subscribed to a website called mythoughtcoach.com . The site features a series of audio recordings by a woman named Stin who talks you through daily affirmations and meditations. The exercises are geared toward helping one achieve personal and emotional goals using the power of one's brain and positive thought.

One of the exercises that intrigues me is something Stin calls the "three second rule." According to Stin's blog (which you can link to from the mythoughtcoach.com website), "when you have a thought about anything that you have previously experienced with ANY sort of emotion or physical response, it takes about 3 seconds for that thought to initiate a physical response. That thought then becomes the trigger for a remarkable physiological process." So following the "three second rule", when you have a negative thought or emotion, don't allow yourself to dwell on it for more than three seconds; instead, change your thinking to thoughts of gratitude or a memory of something positive... basically, go to your happy place.

Yesterday, I read a post from a blog one of my friends follows and I saw something that kind of disturbed me as it was a comment encouraging someone to break the three second rule. A commenter of the blog I was reading said, "I feel like you leave some of the negative issues [about your life] off of your blog...how come?" In response, the blogger wrote that she tends to have a positive, upbeat outlook on life, and she knows that she has the choice to have a happy and energetic attitude each day when she wakes up, and that's what she chooses to do. Awesome, right?! The blogger proceeds to outline the trials she is dealing with in her life right now, some of them being health issues and money worries, etc., etc., etc.

I have not always been the kind of person who wakes up every morning with the knowledge that I can choose to be happy. I have struggled, like many people, with feelings of anger and doubt and frustration and loneliness, and sometimes those emotions have gotten the better of me and I've given into them and let them control my whole day... sometimes my whole week or month. And that's something I am working on changing in my life. That's why I use the tools provided by mythoughtcoach.com; that's why I do daily affirmations and meditations that I think will help me through certain days or obstacles or hardships. So I guess what disturbed me and upset me about reading someone's comment to this generally happy person is that somewhere out there, there is this person who does have all these issues, like many people, who already has the knowledge that it is a choice whether or not we let the negative things that happen in our life get to us... and she chooses happiness. So if she dwells on the negative things by spending 20 minutes or an hour writing them in a blog, doesn't that weaken this foundation she's built of being a happy, positive person? Sure, there's something to be said about getting things out when you're angry or unhappy or sad, but as Stin says, "You can’t always choose which thoughts will pop into your mind, but you can certainly choose which will get to stay longer than 3 seconds." I know we all have to vent somehow, but if this person has found ways to do that without writing about it to the world, even if they are her faithful readers, more power to her. I aspire to be like her. I aspire to be a happier, more positive person... I aspire to wake up every morning and choose this way of being no matter how I feel when my eyes first open... I aspire to uphold the three second rule.

Testing

2009-01-20T16:06:00.006-09:00

This is my first attempt at a blog and I really don't know if I am going to like it or keep up with it, hence the title of the blog. Admittedly, I didn't realize I was naming the whole blog, I thought I was just naming this first "episode," but either way, the name kind of works.

I have been testing a lot of things in my life lately: I am trying out this blog thing; I recently got a Twitter account; next week I have training to become a volunteer at Anchorage Animal Care and Control; in March I'm doing a BOW workshop (Becoming an Outdoor Woman); I signed up for an account with mythoughtcoach.com and have been doing daily affirmations and meditations in the hopes of improving certain aspects of my life.

You see, the last few years I have been in a rut of sorts. I feel like I've come out of it a little from time to time, but I always seem to fall back in and I just can't figure out what I need to do to get out and stay out. I feel like I am still trying to find my place and purpose in life, the thing that makes me feel whole and if not happy, more complete or fulfilled.

At the very moment of writing that last comment, I finally realize how to express what I've been wanting all along-- I am looking for fulfillment. I don't always feel fulfilled with my job or my friendships or my relationships... or with myself. I really believe there is something out there that could give me the sense of fulfillment I am looking for, but I have been looking for it in all the wrong places, and at times, I haven't put any effort into looking for it at all.

I don't think that something like finding the right job, for instance, will give me a new outlook on life in general and make everything better. I don't think that if I change who my friends are, or jump into a relationship with a new man, that I will suddenly be fulfilled in all aspects of my life. Sure, maybe those things will be quick fixes, but I know now that if I want to achieve this feeling of completeness and fulfillment, I have to find it in myself. Once that happens, all the other stuff will fall into place. Once I am fulfilled in myself, I will have the confidence to go after the job I've always wanted or even turn something I love into a job. When I am more confident and fulfilled in myself, I will have better friendships because I will be a better friend, and I will attract the kind of man I want to be in a relationship with because I will be a more attractive person.

I am working on all that right now... testing it out as it were...